The Perceptions of a Theological Naturalist

Theology & Biology: It Comes Together in Us

2011-11-07T15:24:00.003-06:00

When I have told people that I degrees in both Biology and Religion, I have received different answers. Most think it unique, which it is. Many give me the response that they see that as difficult to mesh. Indeed, academically it was. There were no courses at Central College that could be taken for both (except Introduction to Logic, a Philosophy and Mathematics course).

Over time though I have seen just how much they both come together. God created nature, we are stewards of nature. We study nature to understand it better and to hopefully improve our caretaking methods as well as to stop or at least limit harmful actions. In addition to this, but most importantly, my studies and contemplations of Christianity, theism in general and Biology is this—they all come together in what it is to be human. In what other part of creation can you see how important it is to be in the image of God while simultaneously being made up of the chemicals, processes, and physics that make our bodies function in amazing and complicated ways? Where else can the curiosity, the inquisitive need to know, and the framework for how we view the world come but through eyes of the human in their studies of God and nature? We understand ourselves by both. That is why in the field of anthropology they consider both civilization/religion/cult of the people as well as the heredity, descent, etc of humanity and of civilizations as a whole. Also consider how one views God and how one views nature are tied. I can see beauty in nature since I see the artistry of the Creator. I can see the process, and I believe it has been a process and continues as one, of the One who designs and continues to mold the Creation. Every one of us is a microcosm of the clay-workings of our Potter.

One final point: when we abuse other humans through various means, we abuse the image of God and become terrible stewards simultaneously. Is not being a good steward also treating other creatures, including our fellow human brother and sister, with respect and dignity? Are we not to respect our brother and sister human because we are all related from common descent both as an image of God and biological nature? Whatever way we view nature, there was a first human couple. I will leave it up to you as to how they arose. Through them God gave the image of Himself and through them we are all related.

An Unoriginal Title to a Blog Post

2011-10-06T15:34:00.002-05:00

I have a theory about our modern Western society. I believe it is supported by the evidence of personal experience. We cannot think for ourselves anymore as a general populace. This is not a new hypothesis and nor is my first reason. It is the second reason stemming from the first that has a sense of originality. The first reason is our technology does the thinking for us. No longer do we have to calculate in our minds or on paper sums and multiplications. And anyone who does not use spell check is just lazy. In fact, for newer programs spell check is run automatically. Now, we can stare screens for long periods of time without challenging mental faculties as we play mindless games on our phones, video game consoles, and computers. That is not to say that all games are deficient in this aspect, but a fair amount of new ‘apps’ on phones and many games on the latter two do lend to a lack of challenging thinking. But, even the good games encourage the players to play for long periods of time in order to accomplish all the feats necessary for achievement. This can lead to hours upon hours of missing person-to-person contact and becoming socially retarded.

But, here is the second reason, with all this new technology we bombard ourselves with lights, sounds, entertainment, etc and very rarely are able to sit in silence and either just read or think, particularly the latter. Silence is scary to the human mind in Western society. People do not think for themselves any more. They want their entertainment and technology to do the thinking for them. The general populace is being ‘dumbed’ down to the point where thinking is a challenge, imagination is lacking, and creativity is replaced by re-creativity. What happened to people being able to just sit in their silent area without having to turn on the television or listen to music or play the latest ‘app’ game on their phone? We would rather waste our hours with technology either doing our thinking for us or not thinking at all or not even going outside to enjoy the sounds of nature on a nice day.

A product of that is that we tend to do things quickly without thinking about them. We have become rather impulsive in general. And that’s where marketing of products and the general spend-quickly-and-often has caught up to us. We have to have the latest thing and fast. We see things we want and we get them because they’re in front of us. And I see in general that this society of Western civilization is eventually going to proverbially ‘go to Hell in a hand-basket’ if we do not start encouraging our children to think for themselves. Parents should talk and listen to their kids and encourage them to have imagination. Imagination is the fuel for true innovation and revolution. A thinking generation could help solve the problems of the world rather than hinder them by lack of effort to change anything and the jaded nature of generations prior who could not. With technology and advancement aided by and aiding intelligent and creative attempts for solutions to problems, we could start towards helping humanity more in general.

God gave us minds to not be mindless, unthinking drones regurgitating information and gossip. God baptized humanity with the great imagination and self-awareness that is part of Him. We should appreciate such a gift and not waste it. Challenge yourself to think. Take time in silence to sit and ponder or possibly do something that challenges the mind. Just limit your intake of time-wasting on mindless visual and noise stimuli. And when you have done so, use it to better not only yourself, but help others. Nothing could give greater gratitude to God for His gift of mind and imagination than to use it for the good and love of all and yourself.

God's Mercy: A Revelation Through a Dream

2011-05-15T15:13:00.006-05:00

One aspect of the Christian life with which I struggle much is the understanding of God's mercy. And it's not usually a matter of intellectual understanding. I understand theologically how God's mercy is exemplified in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross for our sins. And now Christ serves as mediator for, among other things, the forgiveness of repentant sinners, myself being one.

Much of my misunderstanding is practical inability to forgive myself or understand why God should or would forgive me. Yes, I understand that God can forgive anything. And I understand that if I don't forgive myself I put my own judgment above His own. But, what is it exactly to be infinitely forgiving? How can that work? I had an interesting dream the other night that spoke to this. This dream is what inspired me to write the blog entry.

In this dream (highly meaningful despite the silliness of where it took place: a grocery store), I was to be put to death by hanging for something I had done. I felt the guilt in my dream, so I knew my death was justified. However, the executioner did not want to execute me. He had no desire in his kindness to see me die. However, instead of letting me off, he still had me hung. When I was dropped from the platform, I landed harmlessly to the floor stunned that I was not dead. I turned and saw the amount of rope. It was infinitely long. I saw no end to the amount of rope. The executioner gave me my punishment, but I was forgiven and was not hanged again.

When, I woke up, I realized that through one means or other-whether dreams have meaning or God gave me a revelation by considering the dream--God helped me to realize His infinite mercy. It's not that our actions do not have consequences, but that He always forgives us. He will not condemn us even by His own rope. If we are to die by being hanged, it will be by our own. If I had been condemned by my own rope, if I had been my own executioner, I would have perished in my dream, justly executed for my crime whatever it may have been. But, with God's infinite rope, given to us through Christ, we are not condemned, but always forgiven.

Cinco de Mayo -- Not Merely a Drinking Day and Nor Is It Mexican Independence Day!

2011-05-05T13:16:00.006-05:00

A little background on Cinco de Mayo in case you don’t know about the holiday. During the American Civil War, the French army during the reign of Napoleon III invaded Mexico with the intent of subduing it and establishing a part of the French empire in Mexico. And to prevent American expansion as well as because Napoleon III despised the United States, his army was also to help supply the Confederate Army. Near Puebla de Los Angeles (not our Los Angeles) on May 5, 1862, the Mexican army met a French army of two-three times its size. The Americans, due to the Monroe Doctrine, supported Central American interests against European outsiders, but at the time could not come to the aid of the economically-ravaged and heavily in debt Juarez-administration in Mexico. But, despite being poorly armed and sloppy-looking as well as out-numbered the Mexican army under Zaragosa took the day. This helped significantly delay supplying the Confederate Army though it did not keep the French from briefly holding Mexico. However, since the Confederate Army was delayed in being supplied, the Union army was able to build to its greatest strength. After the American Civil War was over, Americans came with troops, weapons, and supplies to help the Mexicans expel the French. The Juarez administration, which had to go into hiding during the French-placed regime under Austrian Archduke Maximillan Ferdinand, now was able to come out of hiding. They expelled the French and executed Ferdinand.

However, May 5, 1862, is not Mexican Independence Day. That is September 16, 1810. Cinco de Mayo is a holiday that symbolizes Mexican courage and identity when faced with a hostile and powerful foreign power. It is a minor holiday in Mexico, but it has gained in significance in America. In the 1960s, according to history.com (the History Channel’s website), Chicano activists raised awareness of the day because of the Mexican people’s stand against foreign invaders. It is, as we know, celebrated much today, particularly as a Mexican-American blended holiday.

Sources: www.history.com/topics/cinco-de-mayo; www.vivacincodemayo.org/history

The Death of Osama Bin Laden -- An American Christian's Response

2011-05-05T13:09:00.001-05:00

When I heard U. S. forces had killed Osama bin Laden, at first my response was surprise. I was happy that he was finally gone. But, when I reflected upon it soon after, I realized there is something wrong with celebrating a man’s death. Christ called us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. I do not think Christ would be happy with us leaving all kinds of celebratory and irreverent remarks on Facebook, Twitter, etc or chanting in celebration about the death of someone. What bin Laden had done in his life, leading others to terrorize people and kill them based on a twisted moral and religious premise, is a terrible thing. No one will dispute that. I would never dispute that. But, Jesus died for him as well.

Rather than celebrate his death, we should mourn that his death was required. He has led many astray with his philosophies and influence. Bin Laden had a life that should be lamented, not a death that should be rejoiced. I am saddened to hear some people talk with joy about his likely condemnation in Hell. God would never take joy in such a thing and nor should we. And we do not know why bin Laden had such hate in his heart where love and joy should have been. I will not say it is equal on scale, rather in content, but who has not harbored hatred or bitterness towards others? There are many around us who would rather trample our neighbor to get to the top rather than help others. Think about the terrorism Americans in the past and in the present have enacted upon other nations before we celebrate our judgment cast. Ask Native Americans, African Americans, and Latinos how it has felt that they are oppressed in many ways by a white culture. Look to how we’ve treated others and how we took land and life from others for the sake of our own greed and self-entitlement. Ask the Japanese-Americans how it felt to have their well-being taken away because they were of Japanese descent and placed in internment camps. And do not forget that some of our country’s founders terrorized fellow colonists—pillaging, torturing, killing, tarring, destroying property all because some remained loyal to the King of England rather than put on the cap of revolution.

We should not rejoice in bin Laden’s death. For one thing, it is against the teachings of Christ to rejoice in our enemies’ deaths. And for a second thing, how are we better than the hatred he has perpetuated when we celebrate? How are we better than those who have celebrated the death of Americans? (see below for similar thoughts in WSJ blog article from Abdullah Antepi, Muslim chaplain at Duke University). Rather we should mourn that there is hatred still in the world. That he was a perpetuator of it. We need to mourn the fact that there is “bin Ladenism” in the world and seek its demise (see article in WSJ blog for comments by Rabbi David Wolpe). We should seek God’s love for the world and through love, there can be peace. Because where there is love, hatred cannot exist. And right now, people in this country, and those Christian in this country, hate our enemy through this celebration of his demise. And others that see this will have the mutual feeling whether for or against. And the hate goes on. Let’s stop it by heaping the “burning ashes” of love on our enemies’ heads.

http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2011/05/03/bin-laden-is-it-okay-to-celebrate-an-enemys-death/?mod=google_news_blog

Starbucks Idiocy

2009-08-16T23:57:00.004-05:00

I recently have noticed something about Starbucks customers...there are the annoying ones, the dumb ones, the smart ones, the too smart ones, and the OCD. But, I am going to discuss something that might offend some. I call them the "Frappuccino People."

Frappuccino people bother me. Seriously. There is nothing more annoying to the average barista at Starbucks than a weekend or evening Frappuccino person. For one thing, in the drive thru they keep us waiting to decide what they want. Save the time, just tell us which frappuccino and move on. Don't pretend that you are smart and browsing our menu. The longer you wait to tell us that you want a Carmel frappuccino, the more we're going to be annoyed with the fact you made us wait to hear the obvious. Sometimes, we are surprised and get something like a Carmel Macchiato (not really a Macchiato for you people who do know what you're talking about, but still is labeled that by Starbucks). Don't think you people who surprise us with that are anything special. It's the drink we tell people to get if they want espresso but don't know what they want beyond that.

Second, the Frappuccino person typically thinks they are something special for having come to Starbucks in the first place to get something. Suddenly, they are a part of some elite upper middle class group and now can be labeled snobbish. Really...get over yourselves. You're not anything special for having got a drink that half the population gets when they come to Starbucks, because half the population do not know what they want. It's not an elite social club. Starbucks has millions of customers and has thousands of stores. You get a drink that is not that complicated to make, but is time consuming. It's called something fancy to make you feel fancy. Get over the illusion.

Third, the Frappuccino person does not tip. Look, I don't expect tips from everyone. But, it is notoriously the case that on weekends when we get the most frappuccinos are also the time we get some of our lowest tips for the day. That is because the common person who comes into Starbucks who thinks they are something special for having come to Starbucks though they bought a predictable, but time-consuming drink, doesn't think that tipping is anything they should do. They just bought a pricey $4 drink. Look, it's not our fault that you decided to not branch out and try our REAL coffee and espresso drinks. And even those people who spend $5 on an espresso drink by adding shots or whatnot, those people tip. We don't get paid a lot. If you are so special with your newly-given faux upper middle class status, why not tip? Make us and you feel even better!

Fourth and final, the Frappuccino person in a minivan is dangerous. That usually means there are multiple Frappuccino people in the van and we have to make multiple Frappuccinos, hence backing up the drive-thru line when it is supposed to be there for driving in and out with your drink. Ordering 4-5 Frappuccinos at one time in the drive-thru is annoying, ridiculous, incredibly stressful and time-consuming, and makes other customers behind you unhappy for having to wait. It's rude and does not follow drive-thru etiquette. If you really want all those Frappuccinos. Let us make them for you inside where you can sit on your keisters for a bit and we can help both inside and outside customers. People in their cars in the drive-thru can get their drinks quicker and the line in the store will still move despite your order.

I will make a subset of the 4th definition. Do not come to the drive-thru 15-20 min before close and order a large number of frappuccinos We are people, too, who want to get home at night at a decent hour.

I mean this set of annoyances to be generalizations and to be taken in good fun. I hope nobody was seriously offended by the things I said. But, that being said...you people annoy us. Thank you for your business.

His Eyes Are on the Sparrow

2009-07-12T12:06:00.005-05:00

I just read my devotional and corresponding passage of Scripture. The passage itself was Matthew 10:16-31. In this section of Scripture, Jesus is telling His disciples that they will go through all sorts of persecution, betrayal, and hatred because of the fact they follow Him and do things in His name. They should not worry, however, because when they speak, they speak with the Spirit of the Father. They should not worry because those who persecute them and kill them can only kill the body and not the soul. If they are God's house, they are in His spirit. No servant is greater than the master. God cares for them all and they should worry because things are in God's hands. The writer of Matthew uses the quotation about God watching the sparrow and they are sold cheaply, how much more will He care about us. This is a similar quotation as Jesus in Luke 12 speaking of the wild flowers of the field. Different contexts, similar thought, do not worry about your own well-being. God will care for you.

I prayed to God take my worries into His hands that I may have peace in my heart. I prayed that He would give me the strength to relinquish them completely. All those temptations; my worries regarding work, friends, family, and Amanda; and my feeling inadequate . God gave me this image of all these things in balloons floating away into a partly cloudy sky. I can't get them back. They're not mine. They're not in my control. They're in God's hands now.

Even now there is a temptation to jump and reach them, but I cannot. God loves me. I kept reminding myself of this fact this morning. No matter what I do or what I've done or will do, I am worthy of love because God says so!

Sports Tribalism II

2009-07-10T21:31:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine on facebook has been inspired to take up this topic, but from the negative standpoint. I still maintain my stance that sports tribalism is largely of its own accord, harmless, innoculous, and actually feeds basic behaviors without resorting to killing and bloodshed.

I do think he has made some good points, a couple of which I want to address here.

1) The focus upon sports is entirely too much. While I believe that due to its nature as entertainment, yes, it is publicized. However, it is entirely too focused upon. People's days sometimes hang on the balance of how their team did. Betting leading to gambling addictions and problems within sports and out are a problem of its status. And perhaps, the worst, the allure of fame brings temptations of drugs that the young adult cannot always handle. Like, Hollywood though, the price comes with the fame. If we are to be entertained by people who desire to entertain, then there comes a risk. I do not like the fact that some fall to it. But, that is more due to a societal problem than to sports itself. People can either come at this from greed or from poverty. Either way can be dangerous.

2) People who enjoy sports the most tend to be people who need to participate or at least exercise the most. This is a generalization, a gross one in fact. But, it is not without some truth. At memorabilia shows, what kind of guys do you typically see? My stereotype of said persons is a big balding fat guy, possibly with a beer gut. That is why it is good that athletes are starting a movement with youth to get them exercising. Using their celebrity as athletes to promote athleticism should be expected.

Back to this point of celebrity. These men and women are celebrities. Many of them have charities and many of them heavily support charities. There is a goodness that arises from athletes as celebrity. Good organizations can do good things for the community. It can inspire us to help. Yes, I know the other side of the coin is advertisement for products and the capitalist system, but that's not entirely bad either.

With any good thing as I see modern day sports as being, there is the tendency to overdo it and to inject it with negative things and commercialize it. No Christian would deny that Christmas is a very special day, but it is highly commercialized and it is really overdone in society. And those who find it very important still are part of the problem. But to stop sports as it is now would take a societal reversal which would have a huge impact on our economy for good or ill. And to stop sports is unnecessary anyway. It is an entertainment industry. It just needs to be slightly edited to not be so strong an influence on the daily life of the average human being.

Sports Tribalism

2009-06-21T20:07:00.002-05:00

I have pondered quite a bit about the phenonmenon of sports tribalism. We belong to particular categories each of us. Some of us are Democrats, some Republicans. Some are fans are particular groups of musicians or even genres. Whenever we find someone else in the same particular category, we have an instant connection, a tribe of music genre enthusiasts. In sports, it is particularly evident. Cubs fans, Yankees fans, Packers fans, Bears fans, oh my... Anyway, we very much identify with a particular team, those of us who are devoted sports fans. I am one of those. I can live and die with a team (the Cubs). Those who surround me know that. There's even a tendency for those of us who are fans of a particular team to use the term "we" in connection with the actual performing team. We are connected to their success or lack thereof. We use it to taunt and jeer at opponents' fans; they are a part of another tribe. We cannot allow them to see success without us seeing defeat. It's nationalism at a different level. It's a whole new ballgame when a nation's teams are in competition with one another. But, at the level I speak of, it's a relatively innocent nationalism. You rarely see wars fought over the score of the Cubs-White Sox series (maybe embattled egos, family splits, but rarely bloodshed). The Red Sox-Yankees series has come close though. It's a battle for pride, spirit, and stronger identity. Speaking as a Cubs fan, I can't see myself as anything else in baseball. I identify myself with the struggles of my team and with other Cubs fans as we see the team try to overcome the curse of 101-year World Series championship drought. Ok, but enough rambling. It's a fun topic to talk about, but I'm on a break at Starbucks and it's time I use my time for something else more constructive.

Ideas

2009-06-17T03:59:00.001-05:00

How much are we based on genetics and environmental influences? Quite a bit perhaps, but not all the way.
Where do the images in our head that have no equal in the sensory perception world? Where do they come from (i.e. fantasies)? How do we create them? Perhaps in this latter question, we just base our fantasy or image upon a similar image that we know, but it still means we created an immaterial existence from what? Neurological pathways?

Where does an idea come from? Original to one's self? New to the rest of the world. It's an immaterial thought, is it proven by empiricism? Historical fact? An idea obviously can evolve as itself. It's truth can be debated and not necessarily on the terms of whether or not it really happened. We live in a society that says that the only way something is true is if it is proven to be true based on evidence. What happened to the goods of morality and ethics based on idealogies and logic? What happened on what it meant to be human as a soul and not just as a body? What happened to the soul? What happened to the idea that Truth itself is something that cannot be completely comprehended, contained? Truth itself does not need to be proven to have happened. It needs to make sense to what it means to be the very basic of human. It gives us meaning. For there to be no Truth, means there is little basis for the existence of anything. That is why most humans agree on several fundamental truths (i.e. the golden rule). It evolved that way. Maybe. But, why is it good? Why should we not beat the brains in of the person who has something we want and learn to protect it ourselves? Why is it good to love other people, love strangers? Why be altruistic? It is a sorry answer to say that it is merely because of genetic selfishness. Why is it GOOD to be altruistic? You do not benefit, and those who you serve may not benefit from the attempt, but the attempt is still noted.

Perhaps it is because the Truth behind the matter is more than a mere idealogical statement of the Tie that binds the human to the other. Perhaps the Truth is way more complicated. Perhaps it takes the form of a Supreme Being. Perhaps this Being decides to reveal Truth and reveals what it means to be human. Human in its true form. Love in its true form. Truth in its true form. Is it even possible? Yes. I sure hope it's true.

The Written Thoughts

2009-06-16T22:17:00.000-05:00

I needed to write down thoughts. Amanda wrote in her blog recently and said that when she wrote, it was like a prayer. I do not pretend to the have the desire to write like she does. I do not want to become a professional writer. That's the problem. Not the not wanting to be a writer, but the fact that I can only say, "I don't want to do (fill in the blank)."

I feel like I'm in a storm of life right now. Rain is splashing on me. Lightning is flashing and blinding me. Thunder is deafening me and I don't know which way to turn. I'm wet, blind, and deaf. I'm like a newborn puppy. And yet, something keeps me from seeking God in all of this. Why? I wish God would reveal that to me. I don't know why I can't seek a real relationship with Him, why I cannot fully trust Him. There is also something keeping me from desiring the Christian fellowship I really need.

I'm glad I have friends. I'm glad I have family. But, nobody besides perhaps one or two people actually understand what I'm going through and even then, not completely. And they understand the need for a good job. A couple I believe even knows my feelings about the lack of direction. They can be sympathetic with me and suffer along, but they cannot do much more. I need someone to mentor me. To help me get through this time. I need direction. I need someone in my life who has been through it.

I'm a 25-year-old who lives with his parents, works in the food service industry, has three degrees (none of which seem to be very practical), and has loans to pay off soon with no steady job to actually do that with. I'm angry I'm in this position. I'm angry with the lack of direction in my life. I am angry that my car is always falling apart, and I can't afford a newer one. I feel angry that I have been mistreated recently and have no course but up for this. What am I supposed to do with all this when I feel no way to give it to God? Why can't I trust Him with this? I...have...little...joy...

I can't say I don't have any joy. Amanda, family, friends, frisbee, and baseball (though the Cubs bring me little joy lately either...). And with the exception of perhaps the first two (sorry to those who might be offended by this), the best the later things do is distract me from the pain created within myself because of the desire for something greater than my current state and feeling helpless to change it. So, here is my prayer, my exasperation, my current state. And yet, few will know of it despite the fact it is on the worldwide web. I wish there were more to help me through the fellowship I desperately need. Someone find me...

When Truth Becomes a Matter of Life and Death

2009-02-23T16:15:00.000-06:00

C. S. Lewis wrote, "You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you." He wrote his for a different reason than what my reason currently is. But, his first: Lewis had just suffered the death of his wife, Helen Joy. He was really struggling with the grief and how to relate to God at the time. He was questioning his beliefs about God. He wasn't doubting God's existence, but what kind of God there is. Lewis during that time ranted that God is sadistic and gives us little joy in a trap to make us distraught and despairing in the end. This statement was made because he was really making that faith he had all the more real by challenging it. It had become a matter of life and death for him, because it was so challenged.I feel myself going through a moment where the truth or falsehood of my faith is a matter of life and death. I am kind of struggling with it right now. I do believe in God. I do believe in Jesus Christ. I just don't know how much right now: how much I believe, how much I trust, how much He's real. I also don't know how real He is. Some of this is due to my own "rebellion" but also to honest doubt.

I went to a lecture by Dr. Francisco Ayala and he pointed out what kind of God we would have if we go with an ID standpoint. I'll just say that one point he made about what this creator would look like troubles me. How many animals have suffered and died as a result of the natural functions and instincts of other animals? Much pain has been inflicted and if God created and guides the creation, then He could almost be accused of sadism and infinite abuse. We despised Michael Vick for pitting pit bulls against each other Lions rip apart their prey. Sharks cause much pain to their prey (except for whale sharks). What about all the diseases that have arisen and inflicted much pain on human and animal alike? So, I don't know how to answer that. This did not make me disbelieve in God. His point of view on the relationship of science and religion is not appealing to me (seems more like a schizophrenic culture of thought). But, that challenge is still there.

This isn't the only reason for my difficulties. I'm struggling to make any effort to do much, let alone my relationship with God. I'm struggling to care. Not about life, but the things of life. I love my life. I feel simultaneously confident and low at the same time though. I'm worried about the outcomes of upcoming events (end of the certificate program, end of Amanda's mom's academy time, etc.). And when May comes, who knows if I will be able to find a job? I don't want to work at Starbucks forever (it's a great place, just not my career ideal obviously). I also have loans coming to term. I still live with my parents and I'm in major debt. None of these things do I feel all that confident about the results or where I am currently. It sucks. And I'm trying to find how out how it's all going to work out. God seems to have left me in a suffering but not out economy. If I believe truly, He has led me into a field that I am not sure I will be qualified for or find a job in (as zoos aren't doing as well as they once have). Is God there? Is He watching? Does He care to lend a hand? Give me strength? I am so stressed about everything (including current class projects).

Happy 200th Darwin!!! Plus the Wonderfulness of the Body (of Christ)

2009-02-12T22:26:00.000-06:00

Yes, today is February 12th making it Darwin's 200th birthday. In 1809 Charles Robert Darwin was born and when he turned 50, he wrote the work that would eventually change the mindset of western society with regards to origins. Does that mean everyone agrees with it? Not at all. It is still very controversial still today. Which by the way means that this year will be the sesquicentennial anniversary of The Origin of Species. So, wherever you are, Mr. Darwin (and I hope that I will see you in paradise though it doesn't look likely), happy birthday.

That being out of the way, now I can cover what I think it of ultimate importance. On Tuesday night, I was driving to Duluth with Amanda. A piece of trim rusted out and came off of my car, but not before slicing the tire causing it to shred the outer layer. Luckily, we were only a couple miles from an exit, so I drove up to that exit. We stopped at a gas station first only to find it closed. And Amanda really REALLY needed to go to to the bathroom. So, we stopped by a church that had its lights on. There were some cars in the parking lot, so we knew some people were there. She went up and knocked on the door (as the doors were locked). Someone let her in. Amanda told someone of our predicament and out comes Chris, the youth leader of the church (Harris Evangelical Covenant). He comes out and we attempt to get the tire off. However, there is a bolt with a weird grove in it that requires a special tool to get it out. Using the advice of my dad, we used two screwdrivers to finally get it out. We then proceeded to remove the lugnuts. However, one proved especially difficult. We couldn't get the wrench to wrap around it properly. The wrench proceeded to break. This sent Chris on a long search to find a wrench in another car. However, most of the people there didn't have one in their cars!!! The one we did find did not fit. Chris also had called another guy who goes to the church, Bill, to come out and help. He had a set of tools for the occasion. He was able to loosen the last lugnut and we were able to get the tire off and the new one on. My thanks go out to all the people who lent their keys to Chris for he and I to hunt for another wrench and especially to Chris and Bill who were a very, very big blessing to Amanda and me. I was so proud to be a Christian and to find brothers and sisters so willing and able to help was such a huge testament to me of the power of Christ still in the Church. I really needed that.

Randomness

2009-02-03T11:14:00.000-06:00

I have to be honest that I didn't know what I was going to write on here before I wrote it. I just felt the need to write. Perhaps on an internet blog isn't the best place, but opening up some thoughts could be therapeutic.

I have no idea where my life is heading. I live with my parents. I'm 25 years old. I've been in school all but 5 years of my life. I'm kind of tired of it and I am ready to actually go out and make a living. And yet I am also scared of the opportunity. Does that make me weak? Am I less of a man?

I have so much stuff I want to read but don't feel the motivation to do so. I have this sense that if there is work to be done for class, then there is no time for free reading. However, I am also a procrastinator. Darn these personality quirks!!!

I wish I wasn't so lazy and had more will power. I guess that relates to the previous thing but I also mean that in life in general, especially when it comes to my faith. I pray for patience, but I can't deal with the pressure of it when God gives me the opportunity for growing in patience. Or, perhaps I have grown in patience but do not recognize it.

I feel as though I'm in some sort of spiritual adolescence. I know that many people say that we never really grow out of that in some ways, but I really feel as though I am. I know I am growing, but at the same time I feel the need to rebel because I do not understand the changes in me. It makes me kind of chuckle thinking about it. Good thing God can take insults hurled at Him better than earthly parents can :).

I don't think the Cubs will win the World Series this year. Call it a hunch. They've blown their chances with great talent in the minors and have troubles developing it into major league talent. And the ones we do develop, we trade away. We are going the way of the "immediate satisfaction." Since when do the Cubs need to do that? Is there any pressing now that it's been a century? Don't sign a bunch of older guys to piece together a team!! If anything the Rays taught us from last year is that you don't need big time talent. You need a team! That's why the Yankees haven't won a World Series since 2000. Sure, they make the playoffs most years, but they never win the World Series. The Rays didn't either, but dang if they won the AL East with it. And to be fair, the Phillies were red hot in the playoffs with terrific pitching and a deep lineup. The Phillies also had good team chemistry. That's what helps you win. (i.e. I hope Felix Pie stars on the Orioles and makes the Cubs regret what they've lost.)

I can't wait to see the new Star Trek movie. I know that classic Trekkers will probably denounce this as Trekkie Heresy, but I like the fact that J. J. Abrams decided to reinvent the Star Trek franchise and use the young talent of today. I was initially bothered by the fact that they went back in time...yet again. But, I think it was the right way to go now that I've seen the previews and the casting done. I will say that nobody has seen the movie, so who knows how it really turns out? That being said, it was still a nice attempt by Abrams to rejuvenate the franchise and get the younger people interested. My brother has already said he wants to see it and he's not a Trekkie by any means.

Do you think God laughed when He created the platypus line of organisms? It's like He thought, "I'm going to put this hodgepodge creature together and let thinking beings go, 'What the...?' I'm going to soupe this thing up with an electrosensory bill, a food pouch (aka cupholders for animals), a poisonous spike, and for fun--a beaver-like tail though I haven't created beavers yet...I'll get to that later. Those will be funny too. Oooh and those will dam water sources and live in little stick-made housings..." Nature can be funny.

Do you think God laughed when the Royals franchise entered the MLB?

Chase is a funny dog. He's my sister's German shepherd/puggle mix. He's so awkward but intelligent. And he's also very mischevious. He's like a nerdy Matt Damon of dogs (Good Will Hunting reference for those of you who do not know).

Well, enough random thoughts for now. I have to actually do something today. Amazing, eh? Hope whoever reads this (Amanda, Keith, maybe Angela?), has a great day!

A Poem from My Period of Doubt "Coward"

2009-02-02T21:17:00.000-06:00

This is a poem I wrote when I was 21 and going through a period of personal doubt about faith.

Coward

The man knows
Neither strength nor conviction
For his ways are weak
And shift as the sand
In the midst of the tide.
He believes in much
But holds tightly to little.
As to his conviction
He holds nothing long
For fear that one day
That will be washed away.
Strong feelings for his fellow human
He holds not
For fear of failing them.
Better for that man to die
Than to live in this existence
But that is too much mercy
To be wasted upon the coward.

Dispelling the False Myths of Evolution (and Christians' dealings with it)

2009-01-20T21:15:00.000-06:00

I was pondering on my long drive home this evening from Duluth to Des Moines how many myths there are in the evolution "debates." This includes in some ways myths that both sides have produced and perhaps this will be a series as I find more to disspell. But, a few tonight will suffice.

1. Charles Darwin did not think up the theory of evolution as an affront to God. Darwin tried to be an objective inductionist (letting the evidence lead you as it may). While that is not a great methodology (deductionism is a little bit better), he wasn't trying to disprove God. It was a gradual descent into doubt. Yes, evidence in nature did lead him to doubt, it did not lead him to rule out the Divine. What finally broke his belief in a personal God was his own daughter's suffering and death. He saw death and suffering in nature as well. He could not reconcile this difficulty with a belief in God. No, this was not the only thing that led him to doubt--he did believe that humans and "lower" animals did have many similar things in common (though his speculations which I will not get into here are sometimes bad metaphors).

2. Charles Darwin did not recant. His own wife who was a believer says he did not recant. He did have some difficulties with the theory later in life, but not because some creationists gave him a hard time. At the time he was not aware of a monk named Gregor Mendel living in virtual reclusivity came up with the founding of modern genetics. Without this knowledge of how characters actually arise and thus naturally selected, he resorted in his later years to some forms of Lamarckianism. This is the idea that animals change because they need to and thus pass on the traits. A giraffe needs to reach the leaves on a tree and thus will stretch out its neck. The next generation inherits that trait. Don't laugh because even this has some truth to it (not the extreme example I gave, but that evolution has to start somewhere and this change begins at an individual who passes it on if successful to another generation until perhaps a population is altered by it).

3. Christians did not all reject his theory of natural selection. I remember reading even on a young earth creationist site (icr.org) that a little known man had actually came up with a similar hypothesis on natural selection. I'm not talking about the well known "rival" of Darwin's, Alfred Russell Wallace, who also defended Darwinism, but a creationist of sorts. And Darwin also does give credit to a man who wrote in a botany periodical who had a similar idea to his. Also, B. B. Warfield, a well-known 19th century Presbyterian fundamentalist, said that Darwin's theory was an acceptable creation story. Asa Gray, well-known American botanist who wrote THE manual on botany, was also a devout Christian (also a Presbyterian) who wrote to Darwin that he did not see himself the difficulties in reconciling a theory such as Darwin's with Christian faith.

4. Creationists are not idiots. Since when in the univeresity has it become acceptable to persecute academics who do not agree with a theory. Isn't the job of academia to search for truths or Truth and challenging ideas? Why is it wrong to challenge evolution? Why is it required to accept wholeheartedly the theory of evolution? I personally believe that it best explains natural origins. I believe that God has always sustained nature and thus believe that I am a "evolutionary creationist." He created using evolution. Anyone who knows how the scientific method works and is an honest scientist knows that the method can't prove the theory of evolution beyond a shadow of a doubt. Nothing can be proven given the method. And also, anyone who knows even a little bit of how theories are made, knows that they are not incorruptible. Many theories have been overturned in history because evidence led another path and was explained better by a different reason than before. Perhaps in the future, if honest science will be allowed, the theory of evolution will be overturned in light of the evidence and we'll find a better explanation of origins. Or, perhaps, the theory will be modified in light of the evidence based on the work of honest scienitists. Until then, we can use the evolutionary theory as a basis, a paradigm. But, to be an honest scientist using the method of deduction, one does not need the paradigm.

Enough for now...

Historic Day

2009-01-20T20:59:00.000-06:00

I have to admit that today I was watching movies with Amanda today as now President Barack Obama was sworn in. I missed the historic event. Am I sad today? Not really, but when my kids ask me about it, I might be. What happened today was huge. A black man was elected as president. Our country is not perfect and it still could be improved (and will always need to be), but what a historical day when a country can come together and celebrate a new leader. Not just a new leader, an idealistic new leader. No, I did not vote for him. I voted for experience in Senator John McCain. However, I was not particularly tied to either candidate strongly. I will say that President Obama intrigues me in a way that leads me to cautious optimism. I truly, I really do mean truly, hope that he is able to improve this country both inward and how it appears outwardly. I will be watching him closely these next four years. If he is the man we believe him to be and is able to be a great president, I will not hesitate in four years to place my vote to keep him in. If he is not, I will not hesitate to go the other way (or perhaps to a third party...I know I'm throwing my vote away, but I still believe in the duties of a citizen to vote).

And also on this historical day, we can celebrate that civil rights in this country has come far from what it was though still far from perfect. Many minority Americans are still impoverished. The rights of citizens of our own country are violated every day still whether it be due to race, gender, religion, or some other cause (even homosexuals--I believe homosexuality is a sin, but they are still persecuted). I know from seeing firsthand the poverty of some areas (and this is just in daylight). Areas where there is no good plumbing. Where children have to walk to school and home from school with drugdealers waiting. Children having to buy their own food because their parents are too busy working to feed them because they are trying to keep the homes where their children sleep. And in many areas crime rates are high because city governments (or state governments) remove city lights from those areas. In my own state, women and children are abused without anyone caring a damn. And those that do are powerless.

But, do (and I really mean it not sarcastically) celebrate the day! Our country has seen the day when a man of another race was elected and now sworn in as president. We have been able to at least look beyond race and see that this man has potential to lead us into a better future. Congratulations Mr. President Obama. I wish you the best and I will be praying for you.

It Has Been Awhile II

2009-01-12T23:01:00.000-06:00

Life comes at you fast, hard, and with difficulty. These last few months I have had little chance to actually write something that has come to mind though I've had several things that I would have liked to write down. Now that I waited, many of them are gone. The brilliance of an idea cannot be revealed if the light keeping it visible is snuffed out. Then again, perhaps the same can be said about the stupidity...

I plan on writing more as things come up. I like to write my ponderings. Sometimes like my coooperative altruism post I think I could have cleaned it up better and made it make more sense. Essentially what I was getting at was that loving your neighbor and helping them while society dictates than act received is an act returned can go together. Requirement of returned favors is selfish, but the hoping and expecting of them without judgment is not. If we all could do good things for others, be inspired by the selfless acts and to do them ourselves, why should that be considered selfish? Why should mutual self-giving be considered an oxymoron? It would be a wonderful world if we actually enacted such a behavior into our mainstream. Imagine that! What if 'love thy neighbor' really meant something? And we did this to cooperate with our fellow human beings because they are human beings, created in the image of God!

Anyway, I rambled again... I want to write more. I will write more. Hopefully I will get more readers sometime. In the meantime, to those who have read me in the past (you know who you are as you are the only two on my list...) thank you and I want to say I'm back to blogging again!

Cooperative Altruism

2009-01-12T22:40:00.000-06:00

What would cooperative altruism look like? It seems like something that would not go together, because altruism is by definition an act done for the good of another without reward for the one acting. Cooperation implies that people are acting together and expect each other to carry a load. I coin this phrase because I believe that too many times in our society we carry the burden of feeling guilt over a good deed. We do a good deed. We feel good about doing the good deed. We feel guilty that we felt good over doing the good deed. Society has taught us such a feeling is selfish, however, inescapable. Why?

It seems as though that if we receive reward or ample accomodation for having done the event, it is seen as selfish. In this world, it would be impossible in the end to do anything truly selfless because ultimately it is seen as selfish. I believe the word 'selfish' has been used too often. There are truly great deeds done in selfishness, true. However, we should not eliminate the possibility of altruism besides in reproduction (kin selection).

When someone risks their life for another, saves that person in peril, does that person necessarily expect something in return? Maybe, maybe not. Say the latter is true. The person saved may still feel as though a debt is owed. In our society, gifts all too often are received with the need to return the favor. While this is true, it is not entirely bad. However, that should not be a bad thing necessarily. If the person chooses to reward the selfless act, and the recipient accepts, was the initial act selfish? Again not necessarily! Here is my thought: even if we are ensnared by society's view that a good act should be rewarded and we expect it, does it necessarily follow that we require it? I may do something of a selfless nature for someone else. I think that it would be nice in courtesy if that person return the favor, but if they do not, I do not require it. To REQUIRE reward would make an action selfish. To expect it because the exchange of favors is commonplace is not. Sure, I would like my sibling to pay me back the money s/he owes me, but if they never do I'm not going to demand it of them.

I believe that God did give us the ability to feel some high feeling from doing a marvelous act for someone else. If we do it just to get that feeling, we are in the wrong. But, to have that feeling is not wrong. We should doing good things to the point that we don't even notice that feeling because our minds will have been so set on the giving nature of God's love above, that we won't notice the change in our thinking--it will be already heavenly. God does good things for us without requiring us to return the favor. He helps us to do so in some ways (by loving, serving, following Him), but He loves us knowing we can't possibly do so. That is the true nature of altruism.

So, here I am at this final place. While we cannot be God-like altruistic in this life, we can be cooperatively altruistic. We can do good deeds for other people at our own cost. Expect that this will move this person to do something good for you or someone else. But, do not require repayment nonetheless. Cooperation through expectation without judgment and requirement. Love thy neighbor...

It's Been A While

2008-06-25T15:52:00.001-05:00

Well, I said it. I said I loved her. And I meant it. It felt like a breath of fresh air. It took her breath away. And I still love saying it. She is my dream girl. Amanda is terrific. She loves me for who I am. She accepts me completely and reminds me of it whenever I feel like I've disappointed her, myself or both. She knows how to handle me and can even be sly with me. We also just really enjoy being with each other and talking with each other. God has immensely blessed me with a wonderful woman to share me with. She makes me happy and I know that I make her happy, too. I love her for her as well. And no matter how much I say, I don't know if I can really describe just what I feel for her. We also had a great devotional yesterday. It's exciting to be in love. I long to see her again and to kiss her and to hold her right next to me.

In other news :), Ryan pitched today on JV. And I'm starting to see that patience does pay off and perhaps I jumped to quick conclusions about this coach. The coach noticed a rule that says pretty much from here on out that in JV/V doubleheaders, he has to play one or the other. Why? When both the JV and V play, he can play a maximum of 40 games for both. Ryan's at 32. So, from now on Ryan's playing varsity :) in those circumstances. He even got a hit last night, a single, in a varsity game. Granted that it was when we were up 17-1, but he still got to bat and he got a hit. Today, he played in the second game of a JV double header against Van Meter. He played CF for 4 of the 5 innings, but then he was called in to pitch the 5th (the last inning in a double header game). We were down by 1 at this point. He comes in and strikes out the side 1-2-3. The first two were looking. I had no idea that he had that kind of command! He only threw three balls (as in balls and strikes). Now he's going to be pitching more. In the bottom of the inning, he was due up 3rd in the order. The first two guys got on by being hit by pitches (one on the foot and the other on the thigh) before Ryan came up. Being again 1 run down, we needed 1 to tie, 2 to win. Ryan worked the count a bit (and fouled one off over the fence, which I caught barehanded! The umpire said he was mesmorized by my catch :) ) and got a pitch he wanted. He drove it into the gap in right center field, a game-winning 2-RBI walk-off triple. His pitching record is now 1-0 this year :) on JV.

Great day though I had to get up early. And it's going to get better because soon I'm gonna call my girl. I love you, Amanda! (And thanks for the e-mail :) )

Forgiveness, Patience & Hope

2008-06-07T11:07:00.001-05:00

If there is anything God is teaching me lately, it is about patience and forgiveness. My sweetheart, Amanda, is going through a difficult trial regarding her former church. My brother, Ryan, is being unfairly treated by his coach. One of my friends became suicidal recently and committed himself into a treatment facility. He's doing better now from the sounds of it though not out of the woods obviously. I've struggled to find a job. I thought I got one recently after a good interview only to find out my 87 hours of availability was not enough for them.

This has recently turned me into a somewhat bitter and angry person lately. I can only listen to Amanda as she tells me what she's going through. She tells me this is enough for her and that my support for her helps her a lot. But, I feel helpless and frustrated that I can't comfort her in person. I want to tell Ryan that working hard and playing by the rules will help you keep what was given to you. But, that's not true either, not even in a Christian environment. Injustice happens even within the Christian community. Christians behave badly towards other Christians (in both Amanda's and Ryan's cases). Regarding my depressed friend, I was upset that I haven't been there for him lately. I actually admittedly just forgot about him. And when I heard about this, I was first upset that I wasn't part of the process to help him. But, when I thought about it, I wondered to myself, "Why should I have been? How long has it been since I've talked to him?" And with my job situation: I am in debt, with no job, and little in sight of one.

Here's a crazy question though: Why am I bitter and angry? Amanda is so forgiving, loving and patient towards the people that hurt her so. The only ones she is not really happy with are the ones that confuse the people that hurt her so. And she has been ever so patient, loving, kind, hopeful, and forgiving of me. It's her attitude towards others and me especially that makes me want to tell her those ever-so-important three little words to her. Ryan has become more of a man about the situation he's in than me. He's bitter and angry, yes. But, he's handled it so much better than me. At his age, I would have walked out on that team and said, "Forget you!" But, he said something very mature, "Everyone's got to face adversity sometimes. I just have to right now." This is from a 17-year-old who just received unfair treatment. So, while he still goes to his games for DMCS (his school), I'm here writing this blogpost because I cannot forgive the coach yet nor the people involved in the politics of this institution. My friend is learning that people do care about him and want him to be well. He knows that we're praying for him. So, hopefully he can now have some direction in his life.

What can I learn from these people close to me? Amanda shows me that I need to be quick to forgive and be patient with those who may anger me. Unfairness and poor treatment happen. We're human. We need to exude God's love towards others even when they tell you through actions, words, etc. that they despise you and/or those you love and care about. Anger happens. It's alright to have anger. She has anger about the situation and about what some people write. But, she forgives those that hurt her. She is patient with people who disagree. And that includes when I may do things that hurt her. Ryan shows me that patience is a virtue. No, he has not forgiven his coach. But, his attitude is one of hard work and patient fortitude. He knows that he lost his spot through no fault of his own. However, he wants it back and he'll do whatever. I admire him so much for what he is doing. He is a bigger person than me right now. Through my friend, I can see that hope is a very important aspect of life. We need hope on this side of life. We need hope in something and to feel loved.

How am I able to start showing these characters? Through listening to God and trusting more in Him. I need to be more faithful. I need to be more enveloped in His love, to allow Him to love me and then for me to love myself because I am loved. I then can love others and forgive those who hurt me and my loved ones. And through this love, I can be more patient with others. I need to stay in touch with God and have my own personal prayer time. What do you do with those you love and want to love? You communicate with them. You communicate with them deeply. And who better to spend time with than the One who will love you no matter what you say to Him? I can see now that God has been showing me through all this mess that He wants me to be a better man, a man that is more after His own heart. And that very phrase makes more sense to me now than it has ever before. If I am to be a minister of His Word (in the general sense of minister, but in every sense of Word) and to be a loving son, brother, and future husband & father, I have to love. And through love, I have to be patient and wait on things that I may need because I know not God's timing; I have to forgive those who hurt; and, I have to hope for the things to come that God has laid out for me. Everything I go through, that my loved ones go through, is for a purpose. They are to teach my close ones and they are to teach me. And I think it is a good start that I was blessed by God to be able to listen to this lesson from above.

Love, Romance, Pace, A Girl from Minnesota

2008-05-26T18:36:00.000-05:00

I recently became a committed person into a significant relationship :). I've had three previous ones. This one feels different. We just fit. In the past, I've felt like I had doubts though I would deny them on the surface. This one I have doubts (as anyone does in the beginning and usually for me they are the result of overthinking), but I am confident that they are not going to bring this down. God seems to keep in my mind, "Stay with this one. You won't do better." She is my dream girl and she came in a way I was not at all expecting. God has been working in her heart for me and mine for her. She is adorable and amazing. I feel really attached to this one :). I actually cried when I dropped her off. When I could not kiss her any more and I saw her cry as I wave, I broke down. When I returned to the house and went to my room where she had slept (I was on the couch during the week), I broke down and cried harder. I miss her TERRIBLY. And I think it partly because of the sizeable distance between the two and our current financial status. But, I think it also has to do with the fact that we care SO much for each other that this distance hurts so much. We knew that the day would be difficult, but I had no idea it would be this hard.

I am confused, overthinking, crazy, and possibly in love. But, I do not want to say those last two words just yet. We've talked a lot and have gotten to know each other over the phone and during the last week: extensively talking to each other. Maybe it is love. I would like to think it is. But, I also have to be somewhat sober. Maybe I am riding on some heavy euphoria and emotion. Though I have felt during the week that I have been a combination of level-headedness as well as emotional. It scares me actually that I feel that this girl is going to be something special to me for a long time. The euphoria part at the very beginning is easy. Commitment I think scares me. It makes me have to think hard about important questions--questions that require not only the consideration of my own happiness but also that of another. Expectations resulting from my thinking things HAVE to be a certain way. Movies, media, and other people's experiences have poisoned my brain. Part of me tugs me back. It's my own overprotectedness of my heart and my ability to think things to death. I will not let that ruin this one. She is very special to me. I want her to be a greater part of my life. Plus, if I focus on God and what He wills, nothing can change whether or not she and I are meant to be. I have to trust in Him. And everytime I've prayed about this, I've come out in the positive. And not just because I want it, but an overwhelming positive. And as I said before, I have that back-of-mind assurance and confidence that this is the girl for me. This is someone God wants me to spend significant time with. And also, if anything I should expect from this relationship--surprises and unexpectedness. I didn't see her coming quite honestly. I didn't expect to feel this comfortable with her nor have two 8+ hour conversations with her (plus an average conversation time of 3-4 hours). And when I say conversations, I do not mean idle spaces in conversation lasting a long time. I mean REAL conversation. We won't shut up!

Also part of my inability to say the featured words of a significant relationship is that I have said them too quickly in the past. I may feel it this time, but I want to make sure. I think I do. But, I've gotten ahead of myself in the past. However, I must also look at the reasonings in previous relationships. With my first, she was...well...my first. I rode the wave of euphoria into the realm of infatuatedness that was mistaken for the realness of devoted love. My second girlfriend I did like and I did ask her whether or not she loved me. She said she couldn't know that yet. That was actually fairly wise at that point. However, she also was notorious for wanting to take things at a very certain pace. Finally, the last ex I told her that not because I think I actually believed it to be so. I remember saying to myself that I didn't actually believe what I said. I just wanted a relationship in the end and wanted to make things solidified. I did have feelings for her, but I spoke prematurely. I had gone on three dates with her when I said this (we had talked on the phone quite a bit after I moved to Dubuque though). It really was too soon to tell and I'm not sure I ever felt sure that she was right for me and was more afraid of losing the relationship and the feelings it brought as a matter of self-confidence. She and I tried to change each other constantly and argued bitterly without ever really resolving anything. I will say this: she did help me on my way to recovery from an addiction for which I am grateful she did. God used her in that way. I don't believe she nor I really ever loved each other.

With my special someone now, M'lady, I feel differently. I'm more tempered. I have spent significant time both on the phone and spent almost every hour with her during last week (excepting brief periods of sleep). We even went through a moment of difficulty in which we had to face something within our relationship. And we are fine. I have that quiet confidence that she is someone who's going to be around for a while and so I'd better get used to it. She wants me for me. She likes me for me. And I reciprocate. We desire change in ourselves because of what the other inspires. She forgives me my faults, my past. I do hers. She has made sacrifices for me (for instance, she went to a church service with me). She's artistic, faithful, pationate, patient, caring, endearing, sweet, lovely--adding up to her being all-around beautiful. Most of all, she loves Jesus more than me. I want that dearly in someone. And she truly personifies it. It's evident in how she lives. She's not perfect, no, but I find attraction in her imperfections as well. Do we have a long way to go? Yes. Do we still both need to grow together spiritually and in faith? Yes. Will we have arguments? Yes. Are we off to a terrific start? Yes. As Hawk Nelson states in "Every Little Thing": "She has every little thing I wanted and it still feels like the day just started..." and "The girl I once rejected has now become the girl of my dreams." As I stated at the beginning: we just fit. And I feel as though everyday, I want to talk to her. Even if it is for but a moment.

So, M'lady, if I do not say the words "I love you" it is not because I do not feel them perhaps. Someday, I will express these words to you. For now, my actions will have to speak and time will tell when I will be able to verbalize with confidence that you, my darling, are the focus of the words. I know you will be around for a while. I know you are patient. And I know that God will give me the strength when the time is right. And why would you want to hear it the first time over the phone anyway? :)

Sickness

2008-05-11T01:38:00.001-05:00

I'm sick. I had a three- or four-day reprieve this week, but now I'm back to feeling physically miserable. It is easy when you are absolutely miserable and unable to sleep because of a difficult sore throat to blame God for a bit of discomfort. I admit that it came to mind, but this time around I perished the thought. Why should we when we experience the least amount of pain or a day or three of physical discomfort and inconvenience an attitude of resistance to God? Will He not cure you? I mean the common illnesses. In some cases, as it proclaims the glory of God, we are not allowed to be cured. This is the most difficult one to understand. But, I provide an instance where it does do just that.

C. S. Lewis married a divorcee from America. It seems as though from the evidences of things that they had truly loved each other. However, his wife and lover died tragically of cancer. Lewis wrote some quick jottings that were probably therapeutic for him, but they ended up being compiled together for a book titled A Grief Observed. In it he writes that this experience made him question who God really is. It was never a question of whether or not He exists? Lewis in the end comes to realize through this all that this wound was meant to lead to a cure, one that would improve the quality of his spiritual life. He understood God in a new light and I believe this helped him to understand why the crucifixion was really much more significant. God had to wound His Son to heal humanity.

So, when you are going through a bout of illness that is particularly painful but also knowledgealby curable, consider yourself to be going through a minor testing period of patience and endurance. God uses these as well in wounding us to make us better. I think I myself realized the above in a new way from this particular bout. Wounded to heal...

Forgiveness

2008-05-02T16:47:00.000-05:00

I am learning lately a little about forgiveness. Usually I am very hard on myself after making a mistake I feel I should not have made. It mostly involves mistakes I make against other people, but even ones that I know only God knows about I still kick myself a lot over. This morning I made that mistake a couple of times over. And yet I know I am forgiven. However, do I forgive myself? Strangely enough, like it is work sometimes for someone to forgive another (forgiveness is a process and an action), I am working on forgiving myself. And I believe I have. It is strange to think of myself in nearly a third person sense, as if I am detatched from myself in order to forgive myself, but when you make a mistake of the kind I have, it is a sin against God, who God made you to be and against the dignity that God bestowed upon others. So, yes, I do have ask God for forgiveness. Yes, I do have to forgive myself. And to my friend, I ask you to forgive me my transgression against you. This is not to make you want to forgive me more, but you have shown me God's love through forgiveness. In this, I think I am growing because of that. Part of it was a process before I met you, but it is being reinforced and added to because of you. It is likely one of the reasons God has brought you into my life. Thank you.

Gotta Wonder if I'm Gonna Make It

2008-04-30T13:37:00.000-05:00

It's sad when I'd rather almost do anything than do the thing I'm supposed to do. I need to finish my thesis and write a 10-page paper on marriage counseling. Instead I'm here writing, but I will not be long. I just wanted to make an observance about my own behavior.

And to make a note of the fact that my procrastination might have caught up with me. I seriously question the quality of my work right now. Did I just provide arguments for and against sociobiology? Or did I present through the writings of others my own point of view? Perhaps my editor will be able to tell me, but it concerns me still.

Can Divorce Be Faithful?

2008-04-29T14:53:00.000-05:00

Growing up, my parents have always been together. There was never a time of separation except when it was planned: my dad goes off to a meeting, my mom goes to a retreat, etc. Have they always gotten along? No. But, they have worked things out with each other. However, in modern times for various reasons, divorce has become more a norm with around 50% of married couples getting divorced. Like I said, this is for multiple reasons. Some of it has to do with the lack of trust in the institution, lack of understanding of what love really is, etc. Sometimes, it's for real honest reasons.

In the Gospel of Matthew, it is commonly quoted of Jesus that the only grounds for divorce is adultery and neglect or abandonment. Indeed these are very worthy reasons for divorce. Though they do not necessitate divorce; forgiveness is always an option for those involved. But, Jesus said that divorce can be faithful in this manner. And for many Christians that is understood to be the limit. However, I do not think that it is. David Instone-Brewer argues that Jesus was actually answering a specific question of no-fault divorce. In this case, a Jewish man could potentially leave his wife for whatever reason and not have to meet with the court about the divorce. Jesus was saying that in this manner adultery and neglect could be seen in this light to be a no-fault divorce. Certainly when the marriage has become a shamble of what God has called the convenant relationship of marriage to be, we cannot keep it together for ill.

If the marriage, which reveals God through covenantal relationship and is supposed to be a testimony to God and His love as well as a relationship in which God uses to work in the world for the betterment of the world, is not as it should be then it should not be continued. It cannot be a faithful way of living for God. This means in the case of mutual or even one-sided hatred of spouses, adultery, neglect, threats, abuse (verbal and/or physical), and in some few cases debilitating illness when it is no longer feasible for the two to live together (i.e. insurance), that divorce can be a faithful Christian thing to do. It should be counseled only with care though. There must be little in the chance of reconciliation or even no chance at all. And it would be circumstance by circumstance. Adultery can be forgiven if a person so chooses. If the couple can survive financially when one has a serious illness, then there is no reason for them to part. And even hatred or neglect with proper counseling and therapy POSSIBLY could lead to reconciliation. The last two are unlikely.

And just because it is the faithful thing to do in some circumstances does not mean it would be easy. I personally have no idea what it is like for a couple and family to have to split up because of divorce. Like I said, my family is still relatively intact (occasional division but never so severe as divorce; all families have their dysfunctionality). A couple of really good friends have gone through the pain of their parents' divorces. But, personally and thank God, I have not. For a moment let us consider a divorced individual. This person lives with a stigma of failure. It is not necessarily their fault, or at least it is hardly ever all one's fault. But, one must not look at it as failure, particularly in the case of abuse, neglect or adultery. If one leaves in those circumstances, it is the failure of the other spouse, not of the individual. Not to mention we should not label all divorce as sin. This puts a further stigma upon them. Divorce for nothing more than "falling out of love" when really it's just that the "romance" is over, or for just losing interest in each other, or for when one "finds someone else that fulfills them," is sin through divorce. But, in any case the congregation should help those involved to come through it. And even if it is sinful divorce, sin can be forgiven. Should we condone sinful divorce? No. But, we forgive those who do if they are repentent. And we should not label all divorcees as a product of sinful divorce or even like they are carrying a disease. They already have a burden on their mind. They already have to deal with altered relationships with friends, families, and children. I like the suggestion mentioned in my Mystery of Marriage course in which I am currently enrolled, that there should be counseling offered to those who have suffered it. There should also be a singles group ministry. However, I understand the difficulty of the latter: it can become like a mixer, a way to get dates, instead of learning how to live for God as a single person.

Our culture and indeed the Church has put a great emphasis on marriage and in some ways this has led to poor marriages and greater divorce rates with greater hurt and animosity amongst us. However, when we learn to love as Christ has called us to do, we can understand what it really is to serve God in whatever station we are in: single, married, divorced, widowed, etc. And we can help those who are going through the difficulties of whatever life throws at them, sometimes because we have gone through it ourselves. And we can learn to forgive. None of this is easy, but since when does God call us to the "easy life?"

Reward for Fashionable Thinking?

2008-04-28T16:55:00.001-05:00

In Consilience, the decade-old work by reknown biologist and environmentalist as well as THE sociobiology expert, Edward O. Wilson, Wilson states that "a loving personal God, if He is paying attention, will not abandon those who reject the literal interpretation of the biblical cosmology." (Wilson, 6) I agree with him on this point. To take everything literal in Scripture, or to even selectively take certain passages as literal whenever it suits your theology, is actually dangerous. However, he continues, "It is only fair to award points for intellectual courage." (Wilson, 6) Wait a second. He goes on to say that the church he grew up in, the Baptists, made no provision for evolution.

So, let's get this straight. He considers it intellectual courage to break with a literal interpretation of Scripture, which he seems to consider the norm in Christianity. He also equates the Baptists as the norm in Christianity and more specifically a certain fundamentalist group of Baptists as the norm. But, out of all this then, God will reward those who are intellectually courageous in that they break with this line of thinking? I would love to tell him that he has seriously misjudged the Christian faith.

First of all, the idea that literal interpretation of Scripture is the common thought of the Chrisitan religion is completely false. It is limited to a sect of ultra-conservative Christians that sometimes even limit Christianity to certain principles that it did not originally preach. As early as the Church Fathers we have authors stating that the Scriptures are not to be always taken literally and indeed meaning of the passages can be found on other levels. That is to say, Truth can be found on more than just the surface. Augustine and Origen, two widely separate Christian authors in thought, both agree that Scripture is to be interpreted not to just mean what it says literally, but to look deeper or even figuratively. They both argued for allegory in Scriptures. Augustine specifically addressed Genesis in that manner as well. Today, many Christians wrestle with the passages of Scriptures and do not take the Bible in all its verses literally. Does that mean that some should not be taken literally? Not at all. But, we must wrestle with the text and pray about it before we can make that judgment.

Second, there is significant room in the Baptist faith for evolution. Will you see a ton of Baptists siding on the view of evolutionary origins? No, probably not. However, Billy Graham is open to a theistic evolutionary interpretation. B. B. Warfield, though a Presbyterian, was a fundamentalist. However, he did not oppose evolution and actually endorsed a theistic evolution position. Plus, it has been my own experience that Baptist theology is fairly open. That does not mean that Baptists themselves are. But, an example of this openness is that the a liberal theology, the Social Gospel, which argues that we must rid the world of social evils before the second coming of Christ, was early on fathered by a Baptist minister in New York, Walter Rauschenbusch. And Martin Luther King, Jr. was most definitely along these lines as well as a Baptist.

And as a Baptist myself, and a person with degrees in both the biological sciences as well as religious studies, I find myself not needing to endorse a literal interpretation of Genesis to be a devout Christian, let alone a devout Baptist. I would not say I'm a full-blown proponent of evolution. I'm not a creationist either. I believe that the best explanation of the origin of biological life is through theistic evolutionary stance. Evolution was the process as we can see and observe natural history, but that as the Scriptures attest, God is control of and sustains all of Creation. Genesis was written to proclaim the works of God in the form of poetry. It also reveals to us that humanity is animal and in the image of God. We are spiritual and animal. And it provided followers of the True God, the Blessed Trinity, a way to order life in a manner of seven days. Seven also represents God's perfect number and thus showing Creation to be indeed, good.

So, perhaps Dr. Wilson should take a second look at the Christian faith. Don't believe that what you were raised with has to be the norm nor the thought of a devout Christian, even of the Baptist faith. And if you think that brothers and sisters of the Christian faith are mistaken, do not leave the faith because you believe they are. We are all together on the journey that is the Christian faith, we can dialogue and yet not agree. Why? Because Jesus Christ is the Head and we are His Body. We are in unity despite that we may not always agree.

Jesus Christ is the answer to salvation. Not, falsely-labeled intellectually courageous thinking. In fact, his thinking is quite fashionable. It is quite fashionable to label Christians as literalist, close-minded thinkers. It is quite fasionable to think that Christians are opposed to science. It is quite fashionable to think that God will reward us for doing what we think is right. It is inconvenient to think that God calls us to live as He desires us and not how we desire to live. It is inconvenient to think that perhaps the Church has the Truth and that this Truth makes a claim on our lives. It is inconvenient to think that the Church is perhaps more open-minded about some claims than one thinks. It is inconvenient to think that perhaps your rebellion against the Church is against a limited set of beliefs that a limited number hold in the Church. It is inconvenient to believe that there is a God directly involved in our lives and in Creation (because of that aforementioned claim on our lives). However, the inconvenient truth of the matter is that God does exist. He has revealed Himself in Jesus Christ, through His teaching, death by crucifixion for the forgiveness of sins, and the resurrection for the hope of eternal life in Him. God has reconciled us to Himself and if we do join Him, we gain greater freedom even though we lose rights to self and what we think is right apart from Him. Better to be a servant in God's house than to be a slave to intellectual "freedom."

My First

2008-04-24T17:18:00.001-05:00

I haven't blogged in a while if you consider xanga a blog site (which I do). I feel encouraged to share my own thoughts on life as I feel the need to journal. A friend of mine has inspired me to start my own blog and to write of my own perceptions of life. I hope that I can provide insight to others lives and at the same time clarify my own thoughts on what I have pondered, thought, felt, seen, etc. Well, here I am. Let's begin...soon.